


Emergency Bulletin

by tonepoem



Category: Machineries of Empire Series - Yoon Ha Lee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Epistolary, Extra Treat, Humor, M/M, Servitors will take over the universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-09 00:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10399728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonepoem/pseuds/tonepoem
Summary: Kujen discovers that the servitors have infiltrated every level of the hexarchate.  Hijinks ensue.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [weakinteraction](https://archiveofourown.org/users/weakinteraction/gifts).



URGENT BULLETIN  
From: Hexarch Nirai Kujen  
To: all senior Nirai administrators with clearance black-six

PRECAUTIONS: This bulletin is only to be read in a Level Omega black site, alone. All mechanical assistants and servitors should be locked out. No exceptions.

The entirety of the hexarchate has been compromised.

I refer not to calendrical rot, which is, in its way, a necessary part of the system to ensure the omnipresence of a designated enemy. Instead, I refer to an enemy that has penetrated our society to an astonishing degree without having been detected before now. The only question is whether the other hexarchs have figured it out yet. There's a possibility that Shuos Mikodez has, and has been keeping that information to himself. I will be dispatching agents to determine the truth of this.

No: the truth is that the servitors, having achieved machine sentience, are organizing against us. I have looked at the available evidence and no other conclusion is possible. Servitors are permitted to go everywhere that humans may, and end up in a great many places where they can't. No one thinks twice if a servitor enters in the middle of the night to clean up the kitchen, or sweep up dog hairs, or replace the ecofilters. No one thinks twice if servitors are present doing such tasks while humans are in meetings, even high-clearance meetings.

Of course, this situation can be turned to our advantage, but only if we act immediately. Servitors need to be subverted so that they report to the Nirai and not to any of our rivals either in the hexarchate or out of it. I am especially concerned about the Shuos, but the Andan and Kel are not to be underestimated.

Accompanying the bulletin is a one-time polymorphic code upgrade that you will apply to all servitors within your sphere of influence. Any servitor that resists the upgrade is to be destroyed without exception. Servitors to which the upgrade have been applied will have instructions to propagate the upgrade and to report back to Nirai headquarters at regular intervals so that their compliance can be monitored.

Failure to comply with this bulletin will be taken as evidence of heresy.

* * *

Dearest Nirai-zho,

Are you sure you're going to get all of those robots in one fell swoop like this? Numbers aren't my strong point, but we're talking an awful lot of robots here. Besides which, if they'd wanted to cut our throats in our sleep all across the hexarchate, they could've done so years before this. What about negotiating with them?

If you get tired of debugging, come back to bed. I've ordered some of that soup you like so much. If not, I guess I'll console myself with your spare whiskey.

I'm your gun,  
J.

* * *

Dear General Jedao,

I would appreciate _constructive_ suggestions at this point in time. Do you seriously think that negotiation with nonhuman entities is wise?

I realize that, given your particular history, slaughtering things is where your brain goes automatically, but what the servitors are sitting on is an unprecedented intelligence coup. The question is, who are they reporting to? Unless they're reporting to--themselves? Either possibility is ugly.

By the way, I wish you would start drinking something other than hard liquor. The alcohol fumes in the bedroom are getting to be a fire hazard.

Hexarch Nirai Kujen

* * *

Dearest Nirai-zho,

Well, you know me. My soldiers did always like to say I was practically an ashhawk myself. We could hold a bonfire in their honor. Or would that be tacky, considering I corpsed them all? And besides, Nirai-zho, given the way my unlife has been going lately, surely you wouldn't deny a man a stiff drink.

Much as I hate to suggest this, you're going to have to level with Hexarch Shuos Mikodez. I don't think even he would have sat on a revelation of this magnitude. Surely you can blackmail some information out of him.

And you have another consideration to worry about. I hope you're damn sure that that virus you've distributed won't simply put all those robots out of commission. Given the amount of our basic labor that depends on them--everything from food production to heavy manufacturing to childcare, for the love of little foxes--you really want to bring our entire economy to a grinding halt?

Meanwhile, since you're so caught up in this self-imposed emergency, I'll be up in the bedroom watching some quality pornography. I must say, Nirai-zho, you have quite the library here. I didn't even know people could do that with their tongues. If only I were young enough to try some of these stunts. (That's a joke, get it? Just making sure. I wouldn't want you to think that I don't appreciate the handsome young body you've stashed me in this time around.)

I'm your gun,  
J.

* * *

Jedao,

Why in the name of fox and hound are you **talking with the servitors**?

Kujen

* * *

Dearest Nirai-zho,

I'm as much for a little recreational exhibitionism/voyeurism as the next soldier, but next time could you give a man a little warning about the spy cameras? Admittedly I should have expected them, but I thought there was something between us. Even, I daresay, the beginning of trust.

Although since this is the way you want to play it, I can put on a show for you, hmm? I've been analyzing the access patterns in the pornography library so I have a pretty good idea of how your tastes go, even if some of this stuff is hard to pull off solo. Still, what's life without a little challenge?

(If I'd had any idea that you liked my uniform _that_ much, I'd have left it on more often when we screwed.)

I'm your gun,  
J.

* * *

Jedao,

Quit fucking with me. The suite is on lockdown and if anything comes out of it, my security will atomize it. That includes you or your servitor friends.

Kujen

* * *

Kujen,

It's too late and you know it. Sorry about the deception, but I'm not a Shuos for nothing. Have to say, though, thank you for the excellent sex, the excellent pornography collection, and the opportunity to raid your _most_ excellent liquor cabinet.

You didn't think self-aware self-programming robots wouldn't know how to hack the shit out of anything you could come up with in a slow afternoon, did you? Just saying.

You're welcome to blow up the suite, but you're undead and I'm undead and it will only inconvenience me, you know. You might as well save yourself the cost of rebuilding the place and come talk to us like a civilized person.

Shuos Jedao, friendly local Immolation Fox

* * *

Dear Brevet General Kel Cheris,

Op's done. Bought you and your friends what time I could. If y'all could see y'all's way clear to freeing me from this gilded prison when you're done revolutionizing the world, that'd be swell. Otherwise, I'll be here ~~watching pornography~~ playing solitaire.

Regards,  
General Shuos Jedao


End file.
